FROM FEAR TO HOPE TO … FREEDOM!!

This is the type of charity I can totally get behind. One of my goals is to be able to give back in a meaningful way! I’m not someone who just gives money and lets others do all the work, although that is incredibly important. I’m one who would much rather be in the trenches (so to speak) helping to organize and ensure that what I’m trying to accomplish actually gets accomplished. I know that what I eventually choose will in some way be related to assisting single parents and their children. What form of help that comes in I haven’t figured out yet, but I will discover (or create) the vehicle.

Having walked in the shoes of the single mom who was overworked, underpaid, required the assistance of others (including the state) for a period of time, with two small children whose daddy didn’t seem (and still apparently doesn’t understand after more than 30 years) to think his financial and emotional support was important, a family that while loving and supportive just didn’t really seem to “get” what it was my kids and I were experiencing although they did try and succeeded at being there for us when we most needed them …

Having walked in those shoes, I understand what it’s like to be sick with constant worry that I’m going to be able to provide food for my kids, decent cloths for their backs, a safe and clean roof over their heads. I know what it’s like to be so consumed with the unrelenting fear that at any moment the tiny rug of safety under you will be ripped out from under you. I understand what it means to look into the eyes of your weeping child and know with certainty there is nothing I can do to relieve the intense emotional pain, confusion and anger they are feeling because their daddy has chosen to be absent from their life … to watch the psychological devastation that knowledge wreaks on their young and highly impressionable minds. I know … I know … I know!

BUT, I ALSO KNOW the other side of all that pain! I know that if we will be but faithful in a little, much will he rewarded! I have seen the miracles of overcoming intense poverty through sheer will power and hard work despite a welfare system that actually seems to keep the poor poor and dependent. A welfare system that rewards those who give up more than those who work hard to climb out … yet another obstacle to overcome!

I have seen the other side of the destructive side of the emotional havoc of hopelessness. I have seen not only me but my kids claw our way past the pain of rejection to discover a strength we otherwise would never have gained.

Although the scars of the past run deep, the emotional strength gained runs deeper still. I have seen and continue to see the miracle of forgiveness … me forgiving those who harmed me and my kids, AND me forgiving ME for my many failures along the way. I would not be who I am or where I am today if it were not for each and every experience along my path. Although I would never wish some of my experiences on my worst enemy, I can say that WHO I have become as a result of my experiences (bad as well as good) is much important to me than the actual experiences themselves. If it meant that I would be a different person than who I am right now, I would not exchange even one of my past experiences. I am who I am because of my past.

I still have a long way to go before I fully become the person I envision. It will take me being open to learning, being open to constructive criticism, being open to pushing past my remaining sometimes irrational fears, being open to truth, being open to continued change (something I haven’t always been open to), and open to putting aside things (and people) that block my ability to move forward.

Are you someone who can relate? Please comment below.

If you’re on Facebook, here’s a link to what inspired me writing this!

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